Taking Her Power Pause: A Conversation with Neha Ruch
In this episode of Mom to MORE®, host Sharon Macey chats with Neha Ruch, a visionary redefining the narrative around motherhood, ambition, and career.
Neha is the founder of Mother Untitled, a platform empowering ambitious women who choose to pause or downshift their careers for family life. A Stanford MBA and former brand strategist, she launched Mother Untitled in 2017 to dignify the caregiving years and reframe career breaks. Her debut book, The Power Pause, is already making waves for its empowering take on modern motherhood and identity.
Tune in as Sharon and Neha unpack the stereotypes around stay-at-home motherhood, the undervalued skills it builds, and how women can use this time as a powerful launchpad for what’s next.
[00:00] Introduction
[03:06] Why Neha paused her career despite having her “dream job”
[05:30] Discovering identity, belonging, and purpose in early motherhood
[06:36] Dealing with pushback from others
[08:27] The skill-building power of caregiving
[11:30] COVID’s role in validating the “power pause”
[15:25] Letting go of outdated motherhood narratives
[18:45] Redefining success and writing your own script
[22:06] Creating a confident response to “What do you do?”
[32:45] How to turn your pause into a foundation for reinvention
Meet My Guest Neha Ruch:
Website: motheruntitled.com
Instagram: @motheruntitled
Find The Power Pause here: https://go.sylikes.com/eYxcL44QOZPd
Looking for More? Follow @momtomore on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. @Sharon Macey on LinkedIn.
Keep an eye out for episode #35 of the Mom to MORE® podcast where Sharon is joined by Lisa Johnson, co-founder of Been There Got Out, a high conflict divorce strategist and certified domestic violence advocate. Coming soon - you won’t want to miss it ♥
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Sharon (01:22)
Welcome back to a new episode of Mom to More. So there is a powerful shift happening in how we think about motherhood, a long overdue rebranding of what it means to be a stay at home mom. More women are embracing family life without abandoning their ambitions, challenging outdated narratives along the way.
My guest today, who I am so excited to speak with, is leading that charge. Neha Rush is the founder of Mother Untitled, the go-to platform for ambitious women choosing to prioritize family while keeping their personal dreams alive. A thought leader, writer, and speaker on parenting, women, work, and identity, Neha launched Mother Untitled in 2017 after a decade in digital and brand strategy and earning her MBA from Stanford.
But after the birth of her second child, she made the decision to pause her career and found herself confronting the many, many stereotypes surrounding stay at home moms. And yes, we're going to dive into that. Determined to reshape the conversation, Nahaz is changing the way we view career pauses for caregiving. Through proprietary research, social media thought leadership, and an extensive community hub, she is redefining what it means to take a career break to raise your kids.
And now her debut book, The Power Pause, is igniting a long overdue conversation.
Published by Putnam Penguin Random House this past January, it's already making tsunami-sized waves. Neha, thank you so much for being here.
Neha Ruch (02:56)
I'm so happy to join you and that's such a generous introduction. Thank you.
Sharon (03:00)
Thank you. Well, you have done so many extraordinary things.
couple of things I want to point out. One is big shout out to mom 2.0 where we met last year and also at your book launch this past January. But we have to come clean here because a couple of weeks ago we had a wonderful conversation and I realized
I did not press record. So
thank you for coming back for take two. So let's dive in.
You know, I need to say Neha that you are really on the verge of changing the culture and fabric
of mom's lives. You are redefining success while dignifying and supporting women who choose to lean into family life, that noble job. I applaud you for that and wish the Power Paws had been here when I made the decision to stay home with my kids, but I'm so thrilled that it is now here for my daughters.
Neha Ruch (03:48)
Yeah, it's been such an interesting thing to observe how much it's changed even since I've had my first child, which was back in New Year's Day 2016. And just in nine years, we're looking at such an evolved conversation around the fluidity of work and family.
Sharon (04:03)
Yeah.
Yeah. And in large part to you, I will, will give you credit for that. So I love to start my interviews with what I call my essential mom question. And that is how many kids you have and where are you raising them?
Neha Ruch (04:15)
So I am on the Upper West Side of New York with my husband and two kids, Bodie and Lila. Bodie turned nine on New Year's, and then my daughter Lila is just about six and a half, and we have a dog named Coconut.
Sharon (04:29)
So tell me the beginning of your story. Why you wanted to downshift and then pause to lean into family life. mean, on paper you had it all, right? And you have said that your career was your dream job.
Neha Ruch (04:44)
Hmm. You know, I've recently started thinking back a little bit further as to where this all started. And I think it was when, you know, I came to this country when I was three and I moved to
very small town outside of Boston. And it was predominantly white. And I still, have no resentment toward that because I have some of my closest, I'm going on a girls trip next month with my closest friends from home, eight of us. So, you know, it was full of wonderful people, but I was always looking for belonging, feeling a little bit on the outs of everything. And I ended up taking a year off between high school and college. And I think that that was very helpful to just sort of ground. I went back to India and I taught there for a while and just felt very much like,
If I can step out of this, I can figure out what really matters to me and figure out who I really am with less of the noise and trying to fit. And I'll explain why that's relevant, but I came back and I really felt very fired up to succeed in the workforce. And I ended up finding a lot of belonging and self-worth and identity like so many of us do in our 20s. And ⁓ at some point I got very lucky. I got to climb the ranks in brand strategy at a...
Sharon (05:29)
Mm-hmm.
Neha Ruch (05:53)
large agency in Boston. I wanted out of that. And I went to business school because someone said, well, it's a train stop to surround yourself with smart people and figure out what comes next. Now I ended up at a tech startup running brand on paper. Yes, my dream job. But I was with my son in those early months.
Sharon (05:55)
Okay.
Neha Ruch (06:12)
Two things happened. One, I was rocking with him and thinking, I finally belong.
I finally don't have to be anything besides what I am because that's all he wants. And that felt very freeing. And I share that because when I initially downshifted to two days a week and eventually would pause, I didn't do it because I thought it was better for him.
Sharon (06:26)
Mm-hmm.
Neha Ruch (06:37)
All the data in the world, most recently Stuart Friedman's research on how careers impact your children show that there are healthy and happy outcomes for children, whether you work in or out of the home. I really chose because I wanted that time with them and I wanted to discover this new version of myself.
I eventually paused because what I was finding was, well, first I had another child and then also,
Sharon (07:01)
makes it harder.
Neha Ruch (07:01)
It ended up being
like exactly how I described business school, this train stop to surround yourself by smart people, catch your breath and see what comes next. And other people didn't see it the same way, but that was certainly what I was seeking and seeing in my experience.
Sharon (07:18)
Right. And I had heard you say somewhere that people were actually questioning the fact that you took that spot at Stanford Business. And I maintain that I firmly believe that Stanford will be, will one day do a case study on you for creating this movement.
Neha Ruch (07:26)
Mm.
Yeah, I think so much of it is timing. I graduated from business school at the height of the Lean In movement. ⁓ Sheryl Sandberg's work was really the rallying cry of our graduating class. And so there was some pushback. There was a lot of pushback. Even before I chose to pause, I was just downshifting to part-time work. And
I started hearing, are you giving up?
Did you take that spot? Like, why did you bother investing in business school? But also, are you just going to be bored all day? And what was ironic was I was actually finding in my day-to-day with my son on the days I was at home, two days I was still out of the home. But on the days I was at home, I found myself more creatively inspired. I found myself more interested in how does this little brain work?
How do I make the trains run on time here? And I felt like I was learning. I was curious again, and that felt exciting to me. It wasn't all easy or blissful, but I felt like I was learning. And I felt also like I was meeting these incredible women on playgrounds and play spaces.
Sharon (08:24)
Yeah.
Neha Ruch (08:37)
that were sort of mirroring that back to me, right? They had also clocked in a decade
in their career. They also had equitable partners, so they weren't planning on like serving them cocktails at the end of the day. They also had access to the same digital tools and technologies and were thinking about taking classes or considering freelance or just generally saying, I trust that I can find my way back in. But they were all on the other side of the same unwelcome commentary.
So I realized where was that coming
Sharon (09:06)
That's unreal.
Neha Ruch (09:09)
from? And it was that we were in the wake of the Girl Boss movement and the Lean In era, we had counted out anyone choosing to take their foot off the gas with a decades old caricature of a stay at home mother.
Sharon (09:22)
Yeah, and we're going to get into that. I want to jump back to what you just said, because that is a perfect segue into talking about mom skills,
you just talked about creativity and finding out more about you. And I love that because Both you and I know that this pause, this important time of leaning into family life and doing what the hardest job on the planet for sure is a not so secret time for robust skill building and growth. not regression, even though sometimes, you know, it feels like that. so let's discuss your realization of your unique skillset and those that you have been fine tuning.
as your mom.
Neha Ruch (09:58)
You know, One of the disservices we've done to parenthood is we've dumbed it down to diapers and laundry.
When I, you know, You and I both know, and your kids are older than mine, but even at nine and six I've, you know, with sort of a decade of parenting under, you watch them in every stage. You're shifting with them. You're trying to understand their needs. You're observing something change, then you're going online and you're Googling it. You're figuring out scaffolding and resources. or if this really is something that it needs a resource. You're studying nutrition. to try and figure out if that's something you value in your family.
You are building texting and communicating with this like web of human beings in your neighborhood and in your school to build a like-minded community around your family. In the case of diagnoses that will often crop up, you're doing advocacy, research, planning, and that's just over and above the day-to-day management and that.
the prioritization that goes into that, the empathy that goes into that, the communication. I'm by nature a long-winded person and children really challenge you to dumb it down in the best of ways. Right. And
Sharon (11:03)
Like make it short mom make it short. Yeah
Neha Ruch (11:06)
I think
similarly Harvard Business Review, I mentioned them before, but did this great audit on the leadership skills that are most valued in the workplace. And they happen to coincide with the leadership skills most gained in parenthood.
And so I think that's really interesting, but I think more than anything, it's how can we shift this conversation? Not to, well, family life is sort of this boring monotonous work and you're sort of at the mercy of your family, to, what if it's actually an intentional chapter where we're shifting to make room for a stage we wanna enjoy with our kids and actually sparking some new ideas, a new way to think, we're challenging ourselves in new ways.
Sharon (11:39)
Yeah.
Neha Ruch (11:47)
And oftentimes we're also exploring outside of that and on top of that. I think that's where if we shift the conversation to the more on inspiring work
of parenthood. ⁓
Sharon (11:56)
Yeah, and there is so much
awe inspiring work of parenthood. I love how you said that that was really beautiful. Thank you for that. You know, I'm curious, how do you think COVID played into the concept of the power pause? Do you think it accelerated it? How did it affect?
Neha Ruch (12:12)
So I started this work in 2017, and in large part because two things were happening. I was looking around and you were seeing this crescendo effect around sort secondary feminism, right? Women in the workforce, like one track, one sort of version of success.
And there was no content for women in career pauses. But then the other thing that was interesting to me was we were starting to see data, pure research in 2012, had done this research around women of our generation having children and for the first time wanting to identify with motherhood. And so that was interesting because you found this sort of clash for the first time, identify with motherhood and identify with.
Sharon (12:52)
Hmm.
Neha Ruch (13:00)
career and something didn't feel sustainable, like something was going to have to give. And I was meeting anecdotally so many women who were feeling through that tension and just wanting more options. And so I think the seeds were there and then the pandemic happened. And what it did was it squashed everyone together and no one had to ask again, like, how much does family, how much work can family life be? Because everyone was sort of there watching it on our screens. ⁓ And it also
Sharon (13:26)
Right. But now
dad saw it too in the pandemic.
Neha Ruch (13:30)
Yeah,
yes, yes. Right, right. And I think, ⁓ you know, when, families had to face that, and then they, you know, were also seeing flexible work as an option. Now they started thinking, well, what are the other options? Because I want to be, some of them were like, I need to be home. I need more time with my kids. Suddenly they said, well, this is what I've been missing. I want to be more with my kids.
Sharon (13:31)
Dad saw it too, or your partner saw it too.
Neha Ruch (13:55)
And some said, well, this isn't sustainable. What about this flexible work option? Or by the way, like, how am I supposed to go back to the office when childcare is in crisis? So a lot of things sort of came to head. And I always say, you know, I'd written this book, Outline, in 2018, because I was looking around and there were these great titles around parenting and great titles about thriving the workforce, but it sort of left behind anyone wanting to grow alongside family life. ⁓
Sharon (13:57)
Mm-hmm.
Neha Ruch (14:24)
I'd written it, it would have never gotten
the receival it did by the publishing houses or the reception from the audience if it had been any sooner, right? I came out of the pandemic and the kids aged into school and I think culture was ready for a re-examination.
Sharon (14:40)
Yeah.
Yeah. And also the pandemic really shifted the norms, right? This whole work from home. I mean, I know several people, many people.
who are still only working three days a week. Sometimes they're working five days a week, but it's three days in the office, two days at home remote. So I think it was a ⁓ powerful and a necessary shift change. Hey, we are going to take a quick break. And when we return, we are going to dive into your new book, The Power Pause. Be right back.
Welcome back. All right, now the power pause for anyone who is watching this on YouTube right here. have earmarked so many things because there's so much extraordinary wisdom and knowledge and, just mom stuff that I really loved absorbing. So thank you for that. It is to me, a holistic masterclass in all things one needs to consider when thinking about prepping for and actually living.
this pause. So congratulations for that because it's truly extraordinary.
let's just sort of rewind a little to the traditional 1950s, 70s tropes that really do not apply to modern motherhood, but yet they still exist. How do moms move past this?
Neha Ruch (17:02)
Mm.
Yeah, I think it's one of the foundational blocks that women face when they're considering taking their foot off the gas is if I pause my paid work, do I give up my identity? Do I give up my feminism? And a lot of this goes back to, know, when you look at the second wave of feminism in the 1970s, that did such incredible work to show women's capacity in the workforce.
we ended up with a really binary view on the women who work out of the home and the women who work in the home. And anyone who is choosing to do more of the care work was sort of assigned this idea of defending tradition. At the same time, we saw a rise of television. So Leave It to Beaver was beaming into people's living rooms. I Love Lucy. ⁓
Sharon (17:50)
Every living room, yeah.
Neha Ruch (17:55)
The witch, what was the one with Sabrina? the witch, right? it was ironic, know, the second most popular response when you pull the American public on who they think of as an at-home parent, they'll say June Cleaver, who's the apron-clad mother from the witch fever. The second one is I Love Lucy.
Sharon (17:58)
⁓ bewitched. Yes.
Hmm
Neha Ruch (18:15)
She didn't
have children, which was just what was so funny was that, but there's just an association with the black and white caricature with an apron that conjures up at her parenthood. And on the other end of the spectrum, if you ask who they think of with working, the working mother, they'll say, Michelle Obama, Sheryl Sandberg, and Beyonce. And that power chasm never really healed, right? Because what happened was it never existed even then, but then,
Sharon (18:25)
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Neha Ruch (18:41)
The media loves a cat fight. So we started pitting women against each other by saying, well, one side is better than the other. And that never works, especially when it's something so sacred as your choices about family. So everyone dug their heels in. And then we stepped forward 50 years later and we're looking at women who are more educated, right? They're having children the average age of 30 and that skews higher on the coast. So ⁓ they're coming in with education and work experience. They have more.
Sharon (18:44)
Right.
Neha Ruch (19:11)
⁓
You know equal relation they're getting married later So their husbands are coming in with a desire to parent and a desire to participate dads are spending three times the amount of time with their kids than any generation before
Sharon (19:19)
I
Neha Ruch (19:22)
We talked about there's more freelance flexible remote There's so many options and I've asked in between so I encourage people to say I'm sitting in a really tremendous moment in time, right? I've done a lot and We are paving new
ways to think about work and family and that archaic notion does not apply to this.
Sharon (19:44)
Right. That's so true.
And so that takes me into your chapter four, which talks about redefining success and your new narrative, which is so spot on, you know, means focusing in the areas of what is the greatest value to me. Like I get to determine that and not society, like what matters to me and my family. ⁓
Neha Ruch (19:51)
Mm.
Sharon (20:07)
⁓ And also that this is your time as well and that we are evolving into the person that we will be.
Neha Ruch (20:14)
Yeah, you know, I give women this advice when they oftentimes when they leave their professional life for a moment. I'll say your career pause is not a life pause. You're still growing. And I think the foundational shift that the power pause presents is in Chapter four. It's once you make the decision, right? You've rethought your ambition, your feminism, your financial conversations, you've resigned.
Now when you're getting your fitting, the first thing you need to know is that for a long time you were walking in one path, a path that was dictated, right? Success meant you were going to get this many clients who were get through this season and you were going to get a promotion or a salary raising. Now that's not going to happen. So ⁓ one of the traps that quickly happens and that we've been fed is well, then our success lies in our children's behavior, how clean our house is. And the reality is like, that's a surefire way to feel like a failure.
Sharon (21:10)
That's unattainable,
Neha Ruch (21:11)
is right and and also to feel stuck
and oftentimes when women say I just feel stuck or like in one place it's because they don't have goals of their own and so I encourage women when you are taking this shift away from paid work to shift time and energy toward family life hold a little space to know that yes you're raising them but you're raising yourself too alongside them this is your time too and I think
Goals that you sound often contrived, but they don't have to be big. They don't have to be huge. They just have to be little metrics of success that are unique to you that make you feel like you're moving forward. So I often offer, if you do nothing else, we don't get the book. Write in great detail where you want to be in five years, who you want to be spending time with.
Sharon (21:41)
Right.
Neha Ruch (22:02)
what you want to be spending time on, how you feel in your mind, how you feel in your body, what your home feels like, right? Like every
detail, and it's not to say you're going to become that person tomorrow. It's to say that what it'll often do is reveal the most authentic measures of success to you, right? I use the example of if you have three buckets of goals, personal, professional, and family. For a chapter, especially when I had little, little kids, my personal goal was reactivity, work at that. My future self was very calm.
Sharon (22:16)
Mm.
Neha Ruch (22:31)
But all I could do is one podcast a week about that topic, about emotion
Sharon (22:34)
Okay.
Neha Ruch (22:36)
in women. On a professional level, I wanted to write again. And so I started a Squarespace site, and I wrote about a topic I cared about three times a week, work and family. And those were the seeds that obviously nine years later led to here. And on a family perspective, I just wanted a silly household. That's what I had envisioned. And so.
Sharon (22:57)
I love that.
Neha Ruch (22:58)
You know, for me that was, I'm gonna have a dance party every single Monday. So it was small little things in that season. And then you can reevaluate and recalibrate as your time expands, but you're moving yourself forward.
Sharon (23:09)
Right. We would have those dance parties on the couch to Shania Twain. And my kids love her music now because we played it for them then. So she is multi-generational in her music for that reason, for that, because the parents would play it for the kids. Yeah. You know, another one of my favorite parts of the book is when you talk about giving yourself a title.
Neha Ruch (23:13)
⁓ the best.
Cheers.
Sharon (23:35)
because, we live in a culture where it's all about, so what do you do? And I wish I had the title that I've created now for back then. Because when I was asked, like people would say to me, well, what do you do? You know, at a dinner party. I would say, ⁓ I'm just home raising the kids.
What I should have been saying is.
I now have the privilege of raising the next generation of humans. What are you doing?
Neha Ruch (24:02)
mm-hmm. Yeah, you know, what you do is sort of this like universal stumbling block. And I think a lot of women sort of fear and might even hold themselves back from taking a positive shift because they fear stepping away from something that's represented so much about who they are and their place in the room. And I can say, had the same thing, right? What do you do if it stands in for who are you? Then you have a five pithy words and you've described yourself.
I
run brand at a tech startup. It like immediately conveys leadership, creativity, head to the curtness, but like that's not even really my identity. And I think one of the gifts of this stage of life
two things can happen. One, I do think you still need to practice whatever language gives you confidence because that is so empowering, only for yourself,
Sharon (24:47)
Yeah.
Neha Ruch (24:48)
but to help change the perception for other people. So I often offer right now, because it's a moment in time, I get to, if it's a choice, right? With my
Sharon (24:56)
That's so brilliant. So brilliant. Yeah.
Neha Ruch (24:58)
kids, we'll see what comes next. Or I'm working on a project about work and family. I'm volunteering on this. I'm working on a family relocation. Whatever else, because you are working on something and you're working on something huge. But then the other part is this is your time to also think about how your identity can expand, right? Like I think about,
Sharon (25:08)
Yeah.
Neha Ruch (25:18)
you when you resign and you're updating your LinkedIn, those skills don't evaporate. If you are a brand marketer, you can still write in your headline, 10 year brand marketer, aspiring podcast host and mother, right? Like you can talk about what you're, what you've done, what you're going to give yourself room to play with volunteerism. That headline belongs to you. can speak to whatever you're sort of working on and creating. And it's also just important to remember
Sharon (25:33)
Mm-hmm.
Neha Ruch (25:48)
that yes, that doesn't disappear. And also you're gonna discover new interests and ways to participate in the world if you're sort of conscious and intentional about that in the environments available to you. I mean, the volunteers in every school, the ability to advise your partner, by the way, like if they're running their business,
Sharon (25:57)
Yes. Amazing. ⁓
Neha Ruch (26:07)
oftentimes you're a thought partner in that. ⁓ Advocacy that we do in sort of formal and informal settings. ⁓
Sharon (26:14)
Mm-hmm.
Neha Ruch (26:15)
And so I
think this is a really rich time to explore, it takes knowing that you are gonna get to add another layer to that identity. You're not giving it up.
Sharon (26:24)
Right. Which is so fabulous. And you know, you mentioned LinkedIn and I struggled with this when I, when I took my pause, but in my LinkedIn profile, I have as like a segment, my stay at home mom years. And I listed all the things I did, all the money I raised, the nonprofits that I worked for. and I believe very strongly that when you take that pause, all the things you do, because there is so much that absolutely belongs on your resume.
Neha Ruch (26:54)
Yeah, it's, you know, the last chapter of the book is about returning, if and when you feel ready to. And I encourage people to take the mindset of a career portfolio, That was a concept introduced by April Rinne who is the author of Flux. And The concept of a career portfolio is just so much more expansive. It leaves room not only for all the traditional experiences, but your non-traditional experiences.
So I always think about this one woman,
she lived down in North Carolina. And one of the exercises I encourage people to do ⁓ is Keep a notes app open, a Google Doc open of all the ways, not just of your goals, but all the little things along the way that are lighting you up. that are piquing your interest. So it might be a...
Sharon (27:33)
Mm.
Neha Ruch (27:44)
podcast you're listening to. might be an article you read or a time that you helped your partner or friend and you felt proud of that. And this woman in her long list that she ended up reviewing a year later had one of her bullets was
that she'd helped reorganize the bus route because her kids weren't getting picked up efficiently ⁓ to school. Two things happened. One, That sort of serious self study, which is how I think about it, right?
Sharon (28:00)
Mm-hmm.
Neha Ruch (28:14)
allowing yourself space to really think about yourself. Allowed her to key in on, wow, I really love project management. Like that gave me a lot of energy and I felt like in flow because it turns out like those are some skills that I have developed in parenthood and I applied them here. The other thing that happened was then when she went to build out her resume, she put in, know, career sabbatical for family life and then her sub bullet under said,
Sharon (28:16)
Right.
Neha Ruch (28:43)
⁓ implemented highly technical infrastructure change to
local organization. Right? The seemingly benign, like seemingly simple task that so many mothers would do because we are the ultimate problem solvers and we do it in our sleep like all day long, but it held gravitas. And oftentimes it's repackaging. because, you know, I'll tell you just like, no one's going to answer what you do for you. have to practice it. Similarly, when you're returning, a lot of this is about
Sharon (28:47)
Right. Yeah.
Neha Ruch (29:12)
assembling a set, being conscious of those sets of experiences and crafting that story. And that's a lot of what the book is, is language and guidance as to how to do that.
Sharon (29:21)
Right, and it's also for older women as well. So, I I spent almost 20 years home with my kids. So re-entered at a later stage than other women might. And having that language is so important and having that
hate to call it an elevator pitch, but just having that sentence, having that language and knowing all the things that you have done over the years and how important they were and how they impacted other people and raised organizations and lifted others up while you were doing that. I think that's so important to put into a resume and you own it. That's so important for that. No one did ask me now, other than the fact that, okay, you launched the book in January and it,
Neha Ruch (29:57)
Yeah.
Sharon (30:03)
immediately caught fire, ⁓ which is so fabulous. Has anything else surprised you about this journey or your unique pause?
Neha Ruch (30:14)
Hmm, that's a great question. I think what has surprised me is over and over again, I think the biggest issue we run into is around help in this country. I think it continues to be a very heavy topic.
and I'll tell you why, and I address it in chapter six, it's sort of in the middle section around getting your footing. You know, one in three at-home parents don't have a lick of help, including family assistance. So they are working 24-7 without breaks. Even on tour. And that data was...
conducted, you know, we commissioned a survey called the American Mothers on Pus Survey. So was according to census data. So I wondered if I would get a different sort of pulse when I was in the rooms on tour. And I heard the same. There's, ⁓ we have, there's sort of three blocks. One is financial, but there's a lot of creative and sometimes even free childcare options, right? But so one is financial, then it's trust, right? Like a little bit of nervousness. And then the big one is guilt.
Sharon (31:10)
Yeah.
Neha Ruch (31:21)
And we have done just I think it goes back to sort of undervaluing care. We've made it seem not worthy of support. And we've also deemed stay at home motherhood specifically as a luxury. So women have really I heard it over and over really internalize that when in reality, so many of these women one in three pause because of the cost of childcare. Right. So it's not to say that it's not a privilege to get to choose whether you're working out of the home or in the home, but
Sharon (31:42)
Right.
Neha Ruch (31:50)
it's a
It's not a luxury. There's nothing luxurious about it and everyone deserves support if they have access to it and yet we also we penalize women when they're really honest about the amount of support they have right and so you're
Sharon (32:02)
Right.
Neha Ruch (32:04)
in this funny catch-22
we see a lot of images on social media about how people care for their families but the nannies or the food prep people or the Housekeepers or the laundry service. It's all miss it
And that's a funny one. I can't, you know, in the book, I decode that for myself because I had that flawed belief that I didn't deserve help. But it's wild to me how much of an ongoing
Sharon (32:18)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Neha Ruch (32:34)
issue it continues to be.
Sharon (32:36)
And I dealt with that as well, know, 25 years ago, because I remember thinking, oh, how tough could one baby be? Oh my gosh, was I wrong? And it's a second, you need to have that, you need that girl time, you need that friend time, you need that time when you can just turn your brain off, and you'll able to be able to go get a manicure and just, you know, you need that. So we have the energy to keep doing what we're doing because it's a 24 seven job.
Neha Ruch (32:37)
Yeah.
Right.
Sharon (33:04)
And so it, you know, and whether it's a friend who comes over so you can take a shower or it's another friend who's like, I'll take the kids on this night. go out with your friends that there's ways to make it happen. And it is so, so important. So important. No one, I wanted to ask you on Montemore. We are all about reinvention and next chapters. So talk a little about how moms can use their paws as a launch pad.
for their next phase of fabulousness. And because I know women are used, know, depend, it doesn't matter how old you are, if you're in your 40s or in your 60s, we have that, we have that time at home as an extraordinary foundation.
Neha Ruch (33:48)
Yes, yes. And I think motherhood gets terrible PR. And some of the myths we bust in the book is that there's so much possibility that opens up for us in it. Of course it's tiring. Of course there's responsibility. But also there's two things. We have been told that our networks dry up in motherhood and that our interests wilt. And the reality is they actually expand in so many new directions. And network being one, it's not a network.
per se, it's your relationships, which is the deepest network. Because if you meet someone, you have this invisible thread of motherhood. You're walking through a stage of life together, and so there's an easy layup of small talk. Like, what school do your kids go to? What pediatrician? What playground? And in doing that, you get to, of course, you end up going deeper. And you see these people over and over again. So you're able to sort of develop these relationships, and sometimes strategically, right? They might not be forever friends, but they might.
Be great accountability partners, for example. I always use this example of this woman in Priscilla in Napa who ended up meeting someone at a book club and she put herself out there a little bit. She just said, I'm feeling a bit lost and the woman said, me too. They ended up meeting in the backyard every Wednesday and were just thought partners for one another. I had another ⁓ woman, Jacqueline, who...
you know, she was pivoting out of education and they were sitting on the swim meet sidelines and the woman next to her was talking about starting a essentially like a summer camp for kids, but a little bit more casual. And she said, I'd love to help with that, right? These opportunities when you stay open to them are there and your friends that, you know, seem like quote unquote, just mom friends are actually also really interesting colleagues in this space and thought partners. ⁓
Sharon (35:25)
Yeah. absolutely.
Neha Ruch (35:34)
who's the person that helps you back to the paid workforce if you want to go. And then similarly around creative exploration, we have so many new environments available to us and also so many more things that we can sort of test and learn. You've already checked your ego. You've already paused your paid work.
Sharon (35:36)
Right.
Neha Ruch (35:52)
There was a woman in the Bay Area who sort of strategically volunteered in a different role every year to just sort of discover what
was really interesting to her. So, ⁓
you know, I think so many of these things have been written off
there's a way to sort of unlock a lot more possibility in it.
Sharon (36:10)
That is some beautiful advice. Thank you for that. now how
Our time is drawing to a close. I could talk to you all day. but I have a question that I ask all of my amazing moms that have the privilege of interviewing. And that is, since this is the mom tomorrow podcast now rush, what is your more?
Neha Ruch (36:27)
I want to continue to do and see more of this work out into the world, but I want to do it in a way that has more school pickups, more time for her.
health and fitness, my body definitely feels like it needs it. And you know, I don't think that I will be taking a full pause anytime soon, but I do think I'm lucky to be able to exist in that vast gray area between stay at home and working and dial up and dial down. That's a gift.
Sharon (36:56)
And your future will be however you manifest it and wherever the power pause in this whole movement that you have is going to be taking you forward. So I love that. So please tell our listeners where they can find you online, where they can find the book and folks, everything is going to be in the show notes.
Neha Ruch (37:12)
Amazing. You can follow me at Mother Untitled on Instagram. You can subscribe on motheruntitled.com. And we have so many free resources over there from a FlexJabs board to a toolkit to experts. So definitely take a look there before you buy the book. But if you choose to buy the book, you can get it wherever books are sold.
Sharon (37:33)
The book is phenomenal. I would highly recommend it because it's inspiring not only for women who are entering into that pause, but even for women who have spent a period of time as a stay at home mom and are now reentering because there's just valuable information all through it. Naha, thank you for take two. Thank you for doing this again. I'm so thrilled we got to chat. I'm so grateful for you, your work, who you are, what you're doing, what you represent for moms.
Neha Ruch (37:54)
So happy.
Sharon (38:03)
and the future of motherhood.
Neha Ruch (38:05)
I appreciate it.