Libby Ward on Honest Motherhood: The Burnout, The Breakdown and the Reinvention Nobody Saw Coming
In this episode of Mom to MORE®, Sharon sits down with bestselling author, speaker, and creator Libby Ward to explore the invisible weight so many mothers carry and the powerful journey of reclaiming themselves. Known for her honest conversations about motherhood, Libby shares how burnout, rage, and years of putting everyone else first ultimately led her to rediscover who she was beyond the role of "mom."
Libby opens up about the mental load, breaking generational patterns, healing childhood trauma, and why motherhood doesn't require women to sacrifice their own humanity. She shares the life-changing lessons behind her book Honest Motherhood and explains why learning to meet your own needs isn't selfish, it's essential.
Tune in for a deeply honest conversation about motherhood, healing, self-worth, and giving yourself permission to become whole again.
[00:00] Introduction[04:05] Why Millions of Mothers Connected With Libby's Message[08:04] The Moment Libby Realized She Wasn't Really Present[11:24] Burnout, Rage, and the Breaking Point That Changed Everything[15:20] Asking the Hard Question: What Do I Actually Need?[18:48] How Childhood Trauma Shaped Libby’s Motherhood Journey[24:06] Unlearning the Belief That Rest Must Be Earned[28:19] Why Humor Has Become Part of Libby’s Healing[31:50] Choosing Yourself to Become a Better Mother[36:02] The Motherhood Skills That Build Careers[38:41] Letting Go of the Need for Permission[39:46] Defining What "More" Means Today
Meet my guest, Libby Ward:
Website: https://libbyward.com/
Instagram: @libbyward
TikTok: @libbywardofficial
Book: Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind, Finding Myself
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Follow @momtomore on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and Substack. @Sharon Macey on LinkedIn.
Keep an eye out for episode #68 of the Mom to MORE® podcast where Sharon is joined by Katie Writer, Alaska bush pilot, nature photographer and host of the Alaska Climate & Aviation podcast. Coming soon - you won’t want to miss it ♥
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Sharon (01:04)
Hi, welcome back to a new episode of Mom To MORE. Hey, one quick thing before we dive in. Hit that subscribe button on whatever platform you are on, because every time you do that, you help another mom figuring out her next chapter to find the show. Okay, let's go. I have to tell y'all about a book I could not put down. Not because it was an easy read, because it wasn't.
Because almost every page felt like someone had broken back into my memories, brought them back to life, and written them down in better words than what I had. The book is Honest Motherhood, and the woman who wrote it, Libby Ward, has built something remarkable out of the hardest years of her life. You may know her from TikTok and Instagram, where she's built a community of, you know, almost two million moms. I want to say Libby is the real deal.
No performance, no polish over the cracks, just a woman who went through the fire and came out on the other side holding a torch for the rest of us. But here's what makes this conversation especially meaningful for Mom to Moore. Libby did something most of our guests do after their kids are grown. She reinvented herself while still in it. Mid motherhood, you go girl. And in doing that, she may have given all of us, wherever we are in our journey, a blueprint that we did not know we needed.
Libby wants women to set fire to the world's rule book about who they're supposed to be so they can finally feel whole. Fully support that. I'd say she is doing exactly that. One honest, fire starting conversation at a time. I know you are going to love her. Okay, now your official bio. Libby Ward, my friend, is a creator, speaker, and fierce advocate for women and mothers. Her work has been featured on The BBC and Globe and Mail, Good Morning America, and she is a member of Reese Witherspoon's inaugural.
Hello Sunshine Collective. Known for her honesty and humor, Libby connects with millions of women through her social media platforms and creates spaces where moms feel seen and empowered to reclaim their time and well-being. Her book, Honest Motherhood on Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, explores the realities of modern motherhood and her healing journey to become a more present parent and whole person. It is a revealing and powerful read. Libby Ward.
Welcome to Mom to More.
Libby (03:22)
Wow.
Thank you. Talk about big boots to fill. I'm like, that me? Are you sure?
Sharon (03:27)
that is all you girl. All you. It is so good to see you. you know, I have to tell you,
Libby (03:30)
Thank
than that.
Sharon (03:32)
I had been following you for about a year. And then I heard you speak at Mom 2.0 in Nashville. So that was several years ago, and have followed you all the way through the Elm Street book launch in Connecticut. So I'm so glad we're connected and I'm just thrilled and I want to say congratulations on and this huge and well-earned success.
Libby (03:53)
Thank you, I appreciate that so much, thank you. Yeah, let's do it.
Sharon (03:55)
So you're ready to dive in?
Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. I'd like to start with what I call my essential mom question, and that is, how many kids do you have and where are you raising them?
Libby (04:05)
Okay, I have two kids. I'm raising them in
Ontario, Canada.
Sharon (04:10)
Nice, pretty up there. You know, what I found so interesting about your journey is that I could relate to so much of it. Different decade for sure, different details, but like that same invisible weight. And so powerful. So you open the book by calling out how unrelenting the expectations on mothers are. everyone listening, you know, knows that. How hard it is to mother well and and be whole at the same time. And millions of women apparently felt that.
same way because you massively went viral on TikTok. What do you think you said out loud that everyone else was just like too afraid to say or just thinking?
Libby (04:49)
I mean, there's no way to know for sure exactly what it was. think it was really a combination of things at the core of the many different things I was talking about, whether it was the mental load and being the default parent or the primary parent, whether it was about breaking the cycle and healing my trauma and, you know, mental health, whatever the different topics were, I think at the core is that two things can be true at one time that you
love your children deeply and also want them to get away from you and give you a break. That you can be a great mom while also not loving every act of motherhood. And I think we've been given this this message from society for so long that if you love your children, that means you love every moment. If you're a good mom, that means you're always getting it right or that you enjoy everything that you do to be a good mom. And that just simply isn't true.
more than one thing can be true at the same time. And I think that when we have heard these messages over the years, it's made us feel like we can't actually say the thing out loud. We feel ashamed. feel like we need to give a million disclaimers. We feel like we can't say, I need a break from my kids without people assuming that means we don't ever want to be around them. And so I think the fact that I am saying the hard parts out loud gives people permission to also go, yeah, me too. And not have that like shame that follows us around.
Sharon (06:16)
Absolutely. And that is so important. I mean, we've all been there. I mean, as much as we love our kids, you're right. It's just like, I just need five minutes, you know? you kind of wonder like, why do we feel guilty for saying that when we are doing the absolute hardest job on the planet?
Libby (06:24)
Yes.
Right. And in any other job on the planet, any other person in any other role, you need rest. You need a break. No matter how much you love something, no matter how much you love someone, being around that thing or that person 24 seven is a lot. And that's when they don't rely on you for their every single need and their ability to grow into functioning, healthy adults doesn't rely on
you being able to give them what they need at any given moment, no matter what your capacity is. And it's so silly that we feel guilty. You know, I still have messages from moms to this day saying, you know, I feel guilty when I am not putting the kids to bed or when I go to the grocery store alone. And it's like, why like, and yet we like internalize so many of these messages and
Sharon (07:19)
Get over it. No. Please don't feel guilty. Yeah.
Libby (07:26)
My hope is that by talking about it more, just becomes normal to talk about the hard things and it not mean that we don't already love our children.
Sharon (07:34)
100%. Absolutely. Okay. So you're right about being, you know, at one point in your book, you're right about being physically present, but completely gone and floating above yourself. I'm sort of quoting you here, disassociated, looking down with disgust. You could see your kids' joy, but you couldn't feel it anymore. And I can appreciate that. Tell me about the first time you realized that you weren't being honest with yourself, which I'm guessing correlates to when you wondered if you mattered at all as a person. And I've been there.
Libby (08:04)
Yeah, I mean, I've had a lot of different moments that I share throughout the book. I will say that with my firstborn, when I had the capacity to be everything and so many of the things that I wanted to be, I could be present in a joy. I remember taking her on a road trip and her seeing a moose for the first time. And I share in the book how amazing it was to see her see the moose. And even though was my first time, I didn't care. The fact that I could work with her and do that was incredible. And
Sharon (08:28)
Ha ha.
Libby (08:31)
There is something so magical about getting a front row seat to our kids' lives and being able to actually be like there in it with them feeling it. So when, you know, a couple years later, when I had two kids and I was burnt out and exhausted and not doing well mentally, and I looked down at myself playing with my kids, I just thought, that's not there. I can't feel it. Like I'm just watching. I can't feel it. And I felt pretty terrible.
about myself for that. But I just continued to keep going because that's what you do, right? You just, keep giving, living and giving and giving. And you know, I went from one kid where I felt like I was doing okay to two kids and my self worth just plummeted. You know, when my second born ate and wouldn't sleep and then I didn't sleep and I wasn't having my needs met, I became sleep deprived and
you know, incapable of feeling joy and feeling apathetic and while still like running on the treadmill of life, not an actual real.
Sharon (09:32)
Right. But you had
and you had health issues with him, so that compounded it. Yeah.
Libby (09:36)
Yeah,
there was health things happening and we moved. And then, you know, I had run a volunteer organization the year before where we fill shoe boxes for women who are unhoused or at risk of being unhoused. And it's always kind of like been in my core to want to help women. so I thought, I'll just continue doing that. And, know, for my me time, I would volunteer. And so I had a two year old and I had a newborn and I was volunteering and
I was taking care of my mom and I was just spending all the plates, you know? And so I go to the shoebox packing party that I planned. We, you know, fill hundreds of shoeboxes, gifts for women who are going to be receiving them, who are like deeply in need. And we pack them into my SUV and I get home. And just for context of this, we would have to wrap the bottom of the shoebox and the top separately so they could be inspected before they got to the shelters, which meant they were like loose. We would try to secure them with elastics, but it didn't always work.
Sharon (10:06)
That's Yeah. Yeah.
Libby (10:31)
Anyway, I get home this one night, I'm absolutely exhausted. I open the trunk of my SUV and a bunch of the boxes just come tumbling out. And the contents are just like smashed all over the ground. I'm like, I want to ask for my husband or mother-in-law's help to like put them, know, you know, put everything in, but they're all sleeping and I don't want to bother anyone. So I'm like cleaning it up. And as I'm cleaning up all these broken pieces and putting them into this pretty shoe box, I just think
This is me. This is I have created this shiny facade where everyone thinks I know what I'm doing, where everyone thinks I'm nailing it. I look presentable when I leave the house. My house looks nice. When people come over, I clean up. I'm spinning all the plates. I'm doing it, but I'm actually absolutely shattered inside. And what is the point in the shiny facade if I can't actually feel the moments, if I can't actually feel whole.
Sharon (11:01)
Mm.
Libby (11:24)
And that was the very first time I think I was really honest with myself about the fact that I wasn't okay and I couldn't do it all. And it wasn't a linear path after that, as you know, but that was my first honest moment of, a second, I can't keep going. I can't keep going.
Sharon (11:33)
Of course not. All right.
Wow,
that is super powerful. Thank you for sharing that, Libby. Incredible. in one of your chapters, think it's called granola bars, I had my own version of the granola bars. I was pregnant with my third. I think I had a stomach bug going on. The kids were in the back of the minivan, to the other two kids totally screaming, and I lost it. pulled over, turned around, screamed at them, got out of the car, and threw up on someone else's lawn.
And they got back in the car and I'm like, my God, you know, like apologize. I know that happened with you and the granola bars. and I think that every mom has these moments, and most of us have never told a soul. Like that's the first time I've actually told that story. but why do you think that we carry these moments in shame instead of recognizing them as a distress signal?
Libby (12:24)
Yeah, mean, my, you know, granola bars moment that you share about that was really my moment of true honesty. You know, my shoe box moment was when I was first honest with myself of like, I'm not okay. And my granola bar moment when I lost it on my kids for asking me to open a granola bar.
that was my,
it truly something has to change. I
I know the reason why so many of us carry those moments with shame, those rage. I think it's connected to the rage because rage in our culture is looked at with a lot of shame and it's looked at like a flaw. A lot of times we're not looking at rage and asking the question, what is causing this person to be angry? What is causing this person to be unwell? We're looking at it with a like, how dare you, you're out of control.
I know that we sort of like have those messages for ourselves as well. I know when I like truly lost it on my kids and I saw that look of fear on their face, never had seen them be afraid of me like that. I just thought, what have I become? You know, I've become a monster. Like what is wrong with me? And those moments are so hard to share because that's so much of what we don't want to be. I know mom's joke about yelling at their kids, but I would say most moms
would say if they had the choice, they wouldn't. They don't want to. That's not the kind of mom that we want to be. That's not.
Sharon (13:39)
But you get to that breaking point and you just snap. Yeah.
Libby (13:42)
Yeah, and I
think that, you know, to the point of us not asking when we see someone who's angry or raging, what are they angry about? What's causing that? We don't ask ourselves that question either. And like I share in the book, I went on like a deep journey to figure out like, why am I a person who has the capacity and is starting to lose it when I've never been an angry person in my life? You know, I've
I was of myself on being a happy person and a calm person and now I'm like this, why am I like this? And I realized that I really had never asked myself what I needed, what I wanted, what was important to me, what was missing, what need had gone unmet, what my values were, what kind of life I was living, what kind of kids I was raising, what my physiological needs were.
Sharon (14:15)
Interesting.
Libby (14:29)
So often I was an autopilot doing the thing, doing the thing, doing the thing, doing the thing, right? Everyone's had that moment where it's like, my gosh, I have to pee. And it's like, wait a second, have you, you probably had to pee for a while. You didn't realize it. Or like, my gosh, I'm starving. Like, my gosh, give me a hamburger. Because we're not always in tune with that. And like, those are very physiological things, but that also has to do with like our anger and our, or our like our need for.
connection like, wait a second, as a mom, I haven't seen a friend in the last six months or wait, I haven't slept more than three hours straight in X number of years or wait a second, I have been on with my kids every moment of my waking day for weeks on end without a break. And when you start asking the question, why am I angry? Why did I lose it? What are my unmet needs? The list actually becomes pretty long.
Sharon (15:19)
Mm-hmm.
Libby (15:20)
And so I think we need to get better both as a society of like, not being afraid of rage or anger and really asking what it's telling us. And also mostly in our own personal lives, being honest about like, what do I need? What's being unmet? Where did that come from? Why is that thing triggering me? And it's clear that you start to like uncover the answers.
Sharon (15:40)
I love that. and it all comes down to being honest with yourself and not being upset that you snapped, but trying to figure out, okay, what happened that caused me to do that? And how can I how can I remedy that? 'Cause we all deserve to have that. Yeah. Right.
Libby (15:49)
Right.
Right. And what's the next step too, right?
Like, it's so easy to be like, Oh, I was overstimulated or Oh, I was stressed
but why, but what's, what's the deeper reason? What's the deeper reason? Like keep digging at it. And you find that maybe you've been a person who's never learned to ask yourself what you need. Maybe by addressing that, then you're going to make progress and you're going to figure out what's next. Okay. Well, maybe what's next is, you know,
making a different choice in the mornings. Maybe what's next is asking for more support from your partner. Maybe what's next is making an adjustment at work. But it's sometimes hard, it's always hard to know what's next if you haven't actually been curious about what is at the root.
Sharon (16:35)
True. That is so true. Hey Libby, we are gonna take a quick break and when we come back, we're diving further into your book, your life, your reinvention. don't go away.
Hey, we're back with Mom to Moore and my guest, Libby Ward. Okay, Libby, your childhood was genuinely hard. And you talk about that in the book. You dive into the trauma and the instability. And first, I just, Mom to Mom, I want to applaud you for all the work that you did so that you could mother differently than how you were raised. And that's huge. And that
takes a lot of internal fortitude and strength. So congratulations on that. How much
Of your breakdown was the exhaustion of mothering and how much of it was like really trying to change your own past and mother in a in a different way.
Libby (18:09)
I think that if you took a ball of yarn and you just tried to tangle it as much as humanly possible, and then you did that for a really long time and then you took it and went, hey, untangle this and tell me how it got started. That is kind of what I've been, that will be my lifelong journey, you know, really is untangling what came from here and what came from there. What is the overwhelm of motherhood in general and what.
is the overwhelm that came from my dysfunctional habits that I learned in childhood. What is me trying to heal? What is the energy I don't have because I'm spending it showing up differently as a mom to what I ever learned how to? a tangle. And I know that there is a clear answer. What I do know is that,
The way I grew up and for anyone who hasn't read the book, you know, I was raised by a single mom who had undiagnosed and untreated mental health disorders. We moved 18 times before I was 18 years old. I didn't see my dad after I was 11 years old, my biological dad, those different stepfathers who came in and out. Our home was very unstable. My mom was very unstable. I was parentified, which means that I was given responsibilities.
as a young person that most children don't have or that like my brain wasn't necessarily ready for. And I learned from a young age that I was capable, that I was responsible, that it was my job to make sure that everyone was emotionally okay. And that I had to attune to everybody else's needs before my own. It's complicated and There's something called, a lot of people have heard of
Post-traumatic stress disorder, which we often associate with people who have gone off to war or like big major events. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is what I came to realize that I have, is it's complex in that it's a multitude of traumatic events that happen over a long period of time. And it's complex because it's often at the hands of someone who was meant to provide you love and care and stability. And it's...
you know, sometimes, you know, you're getting that love and care and other times you're providing it. And so I share all that to say that it is complex for a reason. And even now I still try to figure out like, wait, why, why am I like that? And so what I learned when I did a lot of reading and a lot of therapy on this is that I became someone who was attuned to everybody else and who sought connection and belonging.
and worthiness from doing things, from making people happy, from keeping everybody in my life happy. Because if I could keep them happy, then I felt safe and I felt like I belonged. And that worked pretty well for me until motherhood happened. And then when motherhood happened, all the plates that I was used to spinning, and I was a really high functioning, high capacity person, I still am a very high capacity person.
I was spinning all the plates, but motherhood happened and it compounded the level of responsibilities and the significance of those responsibilities so much so that I actually couldn't keep doing it. And it wasn't until I had to start dropping plates that I realized how much I had been spinning in the first place. wait, I don't know which ones to pick up again. And actually it fills me with fear to not do these things. And I am afraid the reason I'm filled with fear
Sharon (21:22)
Mm-hmm.
Libby (21:32)
is because of other people's perception of me. The reason I've been trying to do it perfect. The reason I haven't given myself grace. The reason I haven't taken breaks. The reason I haven't done things differently is because I'm so afraid of what it means about me. I'm so afraid of what others perceive. I'm so afraid of turning into the version of myself and hearing my mom come out of my mouth. so part of it is like these coping mechanisms made me someone who was more hardcore. I didn't know the line of healthy.
Sharon (21:47)
Yeah.
interesting.
Libby (22:02)
I didn't know what was neglect versus what was overcompensation. So as women, you know, mean, I think women in general were like go-getters, you know, we're always like trying our best, but as someone who didn't have a healthy example, I didn't even know what the measure was. And so I just gave and gave and gave and gave and gave. It turned out I was giving so much. And so I didn't know that line. And I think it was compounded as well by the messages that we get from society. And so that's why it's
Sharon (22:06)
Right.
True.
Libby (22:32)
tangle because it's not as simple and straightforward as, you had a traumatic childhood or you were raised by parents who were emotionally immature or you were parentified and that's why you had a breakdown in motherhood. It's like, okay, well, actually our childhoods made us into people who like we had to survive by being people pleasers and it served us to people's needs and it served us to be high functioning and it actually comes a point where it doesn't serve you anymore and it's hurtful.
Sharon (22:49)
Right.
Libby (23:00)
And so yes, it did affect me in motherhood and it did make it harder. And I did have to work harder to give my kids things that I never had. But also there's so many pressures from the world and I just didn't know how to navigate them. didn't know how to tell them in judgment either.
Sharon (23:15)
in this vein, what do you think you had to unlearn before you could actually hear like what the therapist was telling you and you could begin this personal reinvention, which you are, you know, clearly into now?
Libby (23:27)
I've had to unlearn a lot of things. The first thing I had to unlearn that I share about in the book is that I don't need to feel bad about feeling bad.
you know, if I was angry, that made me a bad mother. If I was sad, that meant, you know, I didn't want to feel bad or like if I was jealous of a friend who had supportive parents or, you know, if I had any negative feelings, then I would then hate myself for having them.
And she gave me permission to just feel the feelings. Like we talked about earlier, when I let myself feel the anger, you know, she encouraged me rather than shaming yourself for feeling mad. What if you just let yourself feel mad? You know, what if you asked what the anger was telling you rather than shaming yourself? And so she gave me permission to actually feel the feeling. Cause so often we don't let ourselves feel that negative feeling because the shame is in the way. And so the first thing I had to unlearn is that there's nothing to be shamed of for like.
having negative feelings, whether it's about motherhood, whether it's anger. That was the first thing. And really I had to also unlearn this message that I have to earn wellness, that I have to earn rest, that I have to earn anything.
Sharon (24:43)
Interesting.
You had to learn that you actually deserve that.
Libby (24:46)
and so that played into my rage but it also played into my guilt for not wanting to do something for myself and because I thought well if I do it for myself and I'm taking away from my kids if I do this for me that means I'm not doing it for them if I'm doing this for me that makes me self ish and I want to be selfless because that's what I've been told being good mom is when really I am a human person
with all the same needs as every other person, which sounds so ridiculous and silly to say that so many moms, become moms, you all of a sudden become invisible. And it's like this idea that you should be able to be superhuman. You should be able to do all the things. And when you've spent a lifetime making yourself invisible and denying your needs, that's just plays into all of that. And so I had to unlearn this idea that I needed to earn rest or earn wholeness or earn wellness or that
my kids had to come first. had to unlearn this idea of this selfish versus selfless idea and realize it's not about being either of those. It's about treating myself and all of us as though we have the same human needs and meeting those needs, not just so that I can be a better mom for my kids, but I just deserve to be whole. I've had a lot of like toxic messaging and toxic toxic
Sharon (25:58)
Mm-hmm.
Libby (26:10)
self-talk that I've had to unlearn as well. As women, think we have a lot of...
everything kind of has to like hold meaning. Like, for example, if I walk into a wall, my internal voice and sometimes my audible voice, I hear an idiot, right? My husband walks into a wall, he says, ow,
Sharon (26:33)
Mm. there's that that guilt and that I should never have done that in the first place. Yeah.
Libby (26:38)
Right, like I am.
This means something about me. This means I'm stupid. It means I'm clumsy. It means I'm an idiot. It means this thing. And so not only are we assigning blame and meaning, but we're actually skipping over the validation part of like, that hurt. And that is so true about motherhood, whether you're like in the trenches or you're looking back where
you know, so often it's like, I wish I could show up better in that moment or I should have done this or should have done that. Or you're trying to fall asleep and you're thinking of all the things you did wrong or you know, you're looking back at your postpartum experience and thinking of all the moments you weren't there for because you were floating above and dissociated. And it's like, you know, you can actually validate that it was hard and that you were doing your best and you are trying your best and it feels hard because it is hard not because you're an idiot, not because you're a bad mom, not because you're doing something wrong because it actually is just hard.
Sharon (27:31)
It is just hard and
Libby (27:33)
That's what
I'll be unlearning, I think, my whole life.
Sharon (27:35)
Yeah, that was really I know this has been like a heavier conversation at times, but I want to go back to the fact that you're really a funny person. You have this levity about you and this goofiness about you, which I think is so fun. So how do you sort of hold both the humor and the heaviness without sort of swallowing one another?
Libby (27:51)
Honestly, I feel like it is just a part of my personality. People ask me this all the time and it's one of those things where it's like to step outside of myself and look in and be like, how do you do that? I don't know. I think part of it is like my humor is a coping mechanism. I mean, meet any funny person and try and tell me they didn't have a traumatic childhood and like they're lying.
Trauma makes you funny. Yay So that there's that also, I mean strategically and consciously I know that humor opens doors, right? Humor makes it possible to have conversations that we wouldn't have otherwise You even think of like the the greatest movies, you know, I think like the Barbie movie right and like how hilarious it is But we believe meaningful it is You know, you think of your closest friends
Sharon (28:34)
Love.
Libby (28:41)
too and it's like, know, we all want a friend who we can laugh with, but who's also gonna tell it to us straight. You know, who's exhausting is a friend who just always tell it to you straight and never can have fun. And so like, I wanna be a person who can hold both. And I know that my humor, especially about my trauma or you know, my dad or my mental health can be shocking to people, can be jarring, but I also know that it,
It gets people's attention. I think that it, and I think that, but not in like this attention economy, like, ha ha, let's just shock them and leave. It's like, actually it helps people like put their shoulders down and it helps them like open up a little bit. and I hope that it shows people that I'm a real person, that yes, I have trauma. Yes, I talk about hard things. Yes, these topics are heavy.
Sharon (29:10)
People relate to that hundred percent.
it's coming from an honest place.
Libby (29:33)
And we don't have to be uptight about it. Like we can make jokes and actually we need to in order to like move through the hard parts because it can be so heavy. Yeah, it can be so heavy. And I mean like, especially when I think about writing the book, number one, it was hard to translate because my humor is often physical. know, in my videos, you know that that's my humor, like my facial expressions. I'm like, how do I translate this to a book? So that is hard. But I also
Sharon (29:43)
For our sanity too. Yeah.
Libby (30:03)
was very intentional about being funny and light in the book in different places because I mean, moms are overwhelmed enough as it is the fact that any mom can sit down and read a paper book is insane to me. And so I'm like, I want this to be a story that people want to keep reading. And if I am just like, sad doom gloom the whole time, like no one's gonna want to read that book, even if it is honest and real. And so I hope that I, you know, balanced both of those well enough in the book.
Sharon (30:15)
Let alone write a book, right? Yeah.
Libby (30:32)
but.
Sharon (30:32)
You have done
that. There's a lot of levity, there's a lot of seriousness, it's really balanced. And no, it's it's one of those reads that you feel like you need to keep reading it and you realize this is not easy to read. Then there are times that are funny, you're like, thank you, I got that break. but no, you did a really nice job of of weaving all that together. And now you've learned that you're a writer. Like you didn't know that before. There you are.
Libby (30:35)
you
Yeah.
Apparently, I'm
the first six months being like how do real writers do this?
Sharon (30:59)
How do I Google? How do I write a book? Right. Yeah.
Yeah. So how has choosing yourself changed how you show up for your kids?
Libby (31:06)
In every possible way. I mean I entered motherhood with this idea that in order to be a good mom I needed to be selfless
And in choosing to be selfless and not listen to my needs and only focus on what they needed and what everybody else around me needed, it actually made me a shell of myself. It made me the type of mom who was full of resentment, who was full of rage, who was sad and angry and disconnected and couldn't really be there in the moment as much as I wanted to, as much as my kids deserved and as much as I deserved.
Sharon (31:24)
Mm-hmm.
Libby (31:40)
And choosing myself is the entire reason that I'm able to be present for my life and for my kids now. And like it, you know, it matters in every possible way from I wake up in the morning and I go for a walk Monday to Friday with a friend. And when I come home, I am awake and I am lighter and I am able to get ready for the day with my kids every morning with a smile on my face. And it's not perfect.
And, you know, it doesn't mean that like that's what everybody needs to do. But that's like one example of like I choose myself and there's a direct correlation to like, I can now show up for them. And I used to be able to go for a walk without feeling guilty. You know, when I choose myself and I go after building a career, I feel more fulfilled. I feel more like a whole person. That makes me excited to spend time with my kids. so I've been on this book tour for like six weeks.
Sharon (32:17)
Percent.
Libby (32:34)
It's been amazing. I've loved it. It has filled my soul in ways that I can't even explain to you, being able to connect with moms in real life and do the work I do. And I have never been more excited to go camping with my family this summer. And not because I'm burnt out and not because I'm exhausted, because I genuinely am like, okay, this cup is full and now I can make this cup full, this cup, like my cup is full and now I can pour into them.
Sharon (32:48)
I love that.
Libby (33:02)
And so it's like on this micro level of like the walks I take and the lunch I make myself eat and, you know, the hanging out with a friend every couple of weeks, like it's on the little things. And it's also on this like big scale of, know, I want to be someone who works and builds a career and getting to do that helps me to show up for my kids in a way that they deserve and in a way that I deserve to experience as well.
Sharon (33:29)
Right. I love that. Thank you. And and and they notice that, right? Just they notice that you are showing up differently. And I think that's awesome. And you know, Libya, I wanted to offer something from the other side, because my kids are grown and flown. you had this in the book, and I thought this is so spot on. Your realization about showing up, not perfection, but presence, is what really matters, and that is so true.
And how do we know when we've actually done a good job, you know, that we have gotten an A, right, from our kids? That comes much later than we would expect. It came much later for me. it was really when our son got married last year. And he expressed his gratitude for, me being there all those years and doing what we do as moms. you will get this from your kids. It's just it's definitely in the future and you'll
get that awesome report card one day. So know that that is is coming. if I had told you 10 years ago that you would be a published author, a Hello Sunshine Collective member, a speaker, how would you have responded?
Libby (34:26)
No.
I would have laughed in your face. mean, I don't even, we wouldn't even have crossed paths. There is no world in which we would have crossed paths, but if someone had told me that, I would have laughed and said, I don't know what you're talking about. I truly, I didn't, I mean, I didn't know authors. I didn't know people who knew people who knew authors. I didn't even know that this job existed. So I mean, it truly is an honor and a privilege.
Sharon (34:45)
Right.
Libby (35:00)
and a responsibility that I'm so grateful to have. So thank you. Thank
Sharon (35:06)
You're so
welcome. So when you look at what you've built, how much of it is actually built on mom skills, right? The negotiating and the multitasking and the listening and the patience and reading a room and the relentless showing up.
Libby (35:18)
Well, if you have read my book, which you have, you know that I love metaphors and analogies and visualizations. I would answer your question by saying that it's a mirror. It's the same skills. It's the same practicing. It's the being attuned. It's being compassionate. It's, mean, the advocacy that I do for moms is because.
I love them. The advocacy I do for my kids is because I love them. The way that I pour out to my kids is also similar to the way that I try and build my communities. you know, it's so many of the skills. Like, I even think of, I had been learning about boundaries and practicing setting and keeping boundaries for a couple years.
before I started on TikTok and I was finally feeling like in my personal life, okay, this is how you say no. Okay, this is how you prioritize your time. Okay, all right. And then all of sudden it's like, boom, you're viral. Here's a couple million people and an inbox has never been more full, multiple inboxes came. Now you need to prioritize on a massive level. You now you need to ask yourself what's really important to you on like a big level. Now, you know, you are helping people, but where is the line between
helping and feeling responsible for every single thing that happens. And, that idea of like being in control and you know, there's so, there's so many things. I mean, every skill that I have to use in motherhood, I also have to use in my work, you know, the mental load. Like you talk to any entrepreneur, it's like, my goodness, let things in. I can always, you know, there's always more things to do. There's always more things to solve. There's always more problems. and it's like that with motherhood too, where like,
Sharon (36:51)
Sure. I know.
Libby (37:03)
I came to a point in motherhood where I was like, okay, I cannot be the sandwich cutting shapes. Mom, that's just like not going to be me, but I could also do these other things and bake these things from scratch. And it's like that in business too, where it's like, I have had the privilege of having this huge platform. And also it's like, Ooh, but I could do this and I could do this and I could do this. And so I have to become a master at like practicing turning
back to myself and saying like, much capacity do you actually have? What is actually important to you? How can you do meaningful work and raise kids or like grow a platform while also being a whole human person who can sit around the dinner table and be present for the conversation.
Sharon (37:47)
Yeah. So what I've gotten from that is that clearly all these mom skills serve as the foundation and you use them on forever and ever and ever, right? Mom should rule the world, yes.
Libby (37:54)
moms should rule the world. Because we have to
Sharon (37:57)
I'm with you on that one. Okay, so you end the book with this quote. I don't need anyone's permission anymore. I listen to myself now. And I love that. That sentence is really the thesis of this entire podcast. So for the woman listening who hasn't quite gotten there yet.
Who is still waiting for someone to tell her that she is allowed? What do you have to say to her?
Libby (38:21)
I have to say to her that you are allowed, that you've always been allowed, and that you get to, and you actually have to tell yourself that. And that's where all the good stuff begins, is giving yourself permission to let go of what's not yours and choose what is and choose yourself. And you deserve what's on the other side of that.
Sharon (38:46)
So unfortunately our time is drawing to a close. I feel like I could chat with you all day. This has been so lovely. I have a question that I ask all of the amazing mamas I have the privilege of interviewing. And that is, since this is the Mom Tomore podcast, Libby Ward, what is your more?
Libby (39:03)
Okay, so my answer might not be the typical answer that you get, but I have spent 37 years asking myself what is next? What can I do more of? What else can I fit in? And I know that I am always going to be a person who wants to do more. I get a lot of great ideas that I'm excited about. But what I am truly excited about having more of
is moments to feel fully and entirely present with my kids, with myself. I have had so much of the more I think that you're talking about in the last few years. I mean, I started taking up in 2021. It's now 2026.
my life career has blown up in the best and most incredible ways. And like I just shared, I have never been needed and wanted by more people at the same time. And my nervous system, no human's nervous system is made for that. And I love the work that I do and I love whatever I'm gonna do next. I am also acutely aware of time and acutely aware of like, my gosh, like I don't even remember, you know, certain things for the last few years because it's been so busy. And so my more is like,
I don't want to have just little glimpses of like, yeah, I was really present for that. I want to have more of those moments like every day where I'm like, I am fully here. I'm not thinking about what's next. I'm not thinking about my past, the trauma, what happened, the guilt, the shame. I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking what is right in front of me. What can I see, feel here, touch and taste that.
Sharon (40:39)
I love
that. Thank you for that. Yes, it that is definitely a little different. And I love that because it resonates with you. Okay, so Libby, please tell our listeners where they can find you online, website, everything. And folks, everything is gonna be in the show notes.
Libby (40:55)
Yeah, so you can find me online. My website is Libby Ward.com. My handle is at Libby Ward. Unless you're on TikTok, it's at Libby Ward official and you can get the book anywhere that you buy books.
Sharon (41:07)
And we will have links to that in the show notes as well. Libby Ward, thank you for your honesty and for this incredible book. for those watching on YouTube, here it is. It's really incredible. You can see how I've dog eared all of these pages that just were so important to me. Thank you for your time and your wisdom and your insights and your honesty. And this has just been a lovely conversation. So I appreciate you.
Libby (41:31)
I appreciate that. Thank you so much for having me.